Not Happy. Why dont blind people skydive? ", A guy said to God, "God, is it true that to you a billion years is like a second? Why was the math book sad? "The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over! 139. "A nurse says to the second guy, "Congratulations! Chocolate Chimp! Why do hurricanes wear a monocle to see? 66. ", A Husband and Wife at Custody court. A terminal illness. They are short and easy to remember. 212. Here, I will give you an example, do you own a weed Wacker? Jim said. What's stranger than seeing a catfish? The wiser fish greets the two as he passes, saying, "Morning, boys! 19 Whats the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies? Lack-Toast Intolerant. What is an astronauts favorite meal of the day? Why did the deer go to the dentist? I said that it had to be the most intelligent cat ever. He wanted to be a Smartie. Data! He looks at his mother and says, "Look Momma, I'm a white boy." His mother slaps him hard on the face and says, "Boy, go show your Daddy." The boy goes into the living room and says "Look Daddy, I'm a . The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, "Congratulations! What does a triceratops sit on? Put a little boogie in it. 8 / 75 Photo: Nicole Fornabaio/RD.com Knock! This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. Well except the kids, right? You look drunk. Choose from A-line dresses in sizes XXS-4XL and T-shirt dresses in sizes XS-XXL. My thermometer just broke.". People would look over their shoulder, see that is was Donald Trump behind them, and leave the queue, so he would proceed closer and closer to the front. Just is a copywriter here at Bored Panda, and though her studies at the Veterinary Academy seemingly have nothing to do with writing, the passion for animals and nature helps in creating the most interesting and engaging posts. He's demanding 10 million rubles, or he'll douse Putin in petrol and set him on fire. Once you are there, give the jokes youve enjoyed the most your vote and share this article with your friends afterward. They suspected foul play. What lights up a soccer stadium? Maybe it is because they are the easiest funny jokes to tell friends. Well, a variety of dizzyingly charming topics, for starters! Please hang out with me awhile and check it out! He pulled him over again. 166. 234. Send Good Vibes. Whats the best smelling insect? Climbing out of the wreckage, one redneck said to the other, Do you know where we are?, I think so, replied the other redneck. Why did the Football Coach go to the bank? Well, Bubba began, We wuz havin a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?. ""I wasn't," he replied. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? One of them, a tall blonde, had really fantastic, long, toned and tanned legs.I gently nudged my wife and said, "I bet you wish you still had legs like that! "Driver: "Oh, ok. How much do people donate on average. For a second, everything was quiet in the cab. "God said yes.The guy said, "God, is it true that to you a billion dollars is like a penny? 271. Why do bees have sticky hair? "Help! Do you know a funny joke? 128. To make things worse, he had to wait another hour in a line outside the tuxedo shop. Why did the scarecrow win an award? One Of The Best Long Jokes For Adults. How would you rate the quality of the article? Carl had a big swollen nose. He was Low-key! 264. 247. 205. They only have one tail. Tied his hair to the chair and told him to get up. 36. The past, present and future walked into a bar. A man is driving down a highway, and he hits and kills a rabbit. "Help! data nugget why are butterfly wings colorful answer key. A Maybe. So we're asking drivers for donations. Carbon and hydrogen went on a date. Laugh more: Funny Money Jokes Sarah Lemire is a lifestyle reporter at TODAY.com with more than a decade of experience writing across an array of channels including home, health, holidays, personal finance, shopping, food, fashion, travel and weddings. Aye matey. 3m perfect it 3 step system. I got help for my ATM addiction, but went through withdrawals first. 151. Dam. 119. 75. Then, after getting his tofu hot dog, the Buddhist hands the vendor a $20 bill. Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance. 5) "Nowadays, comedians tell the news and the media tells the jokes.". "The line in front of the Kremlin is twice as long as this one", A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian. I was impressed and asked: "Does he know how his so many greats grandfather lived for so long? A trebled man. A flying saucerer. ""My God!" Then logically speaking you have a house. When we stopped him and asked why he was doing that, he replied, "I was just trying to see how it tasted because my teacher said that the homework would be a piece of cake for me. What's a cat's favorite dessert? Why should you never ask a dinosaur to read a story if you are in a hurry? When asked why she had done that, she said because she thought that God was only watching oranges. 161. It just didnt work out! The boy takes the quarters and leaves. Share a giggle with these funny jokes! In a hambulance. Why shouldn't you trust atoms? They always take things literally. What does Charles Dickens keep in his spice rack? An impasta. When he steps outside again, he finds his horse has been stolen. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked the handyman why he was wearing the parkas on such a hot day. What is the strongest animal in the sea? A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. A gummy bear. You will have to leave two behind.. 65. As long as you think it's an entrance, it'll continue to hurt. We especially love would you rather questions at dinnertime. Sounds great, said the health-conscious boy. My brother came back from school all motivated because he said he would be following a new diet from that day. "The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory.". You know what I saw today? 284. Ooops! 82. Where does a spy go to the toilet? "My daughter answered: "It's because of my friend's stutter.". 125. How can you tell its a dogwood tree? Now I know I can handle the bad news. Nothing. Sure enough, there was a panda. "The other two continue to swim in silence for a little while, until the first one turns to the other and asks, "What the hell is water? It was a tyrannosaurus wrecks. ""Thank you. He was looking a little green. Enjoy my Teacher Appreciation Bundle 75% OFF, Last Updated: October 6, 2022 By Cindy 48 Comments, Make Somebodys Day! Throw him in the mainstream. Finally, the doctor comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.This must be a mistake, the man says. Shutterstock A carrot! Q: Who's there? 286. Why should you knock on the refrigerator before opening the door? What kind of tree fits in your hand? As the policeman approaches the truck, the truckdriver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on? Where does the General keep his armies? Why did the man cut his camping trip short? It saw the salad dressing. Truth is, those are not the appliances you need to be concerned about. 53. The mosquito said that he had a lot of problems. What do you call a singing laptop? The third redneck says, Oh yeah, well I can top both of those. 36. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. A deodor-ant. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), I Felt So Shaken Up: Woman Leaves Family Trip After Eavesdropping On Husbands Conversation With Mother-In-Law, AITA? Woman Shows How "Harry Potter" Characters Were Supposed To Look According To Book Descriptions (35 Pics), Bride Doesn't Include Wedding Dinner Price In Her Wedding Invites, Is Surprised To See Many Guests Canceling On Her After They Find Out, 30 Y.O. What do you call it when you walk into a cafe youre sure youve been to before? TODAY: Ready to show teachers some ? By hareplanes. Female, because it doesnt let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion. 278. 297. Why don't cats tell stories? 243. What do lawyers wear to work? This is one of our favorite joke books. Why did the shopping cart go to therapy? "Yeah," says the critic, "that's what is missing. Book-worms! 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To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. Re-Morse code. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out. Because he was outstanding in his field. ", Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. A meow-tain. ""Yes," sighs the husband. "Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot? He approaches the bartender and says, "If there is a triangle with three sides labeled x, y, and z, and x and z are perpendicular to each other, which side is the hypotenuse? Two walkie talkies got married. 292. 298. 2. A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. ", A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. She looks sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers: Please be gentle with me. A dumb blonde joke? Let us know what you think! It had buck teeth. Search by topic Joke Topics Engine Jokes Cave Jokes Wednesday Jokes Mosquito Jokes Stew Jokes Snowflake Jokes What is Forrest Gumps email password? What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Good friends don't let you do stupid things alone. Billy Bob and Dale were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Dale, Yaw know, I reckon Im bout ready for a vacation. funny dreadlocks jokesspring ligament tear recovery time. What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Did you hear about the emotional wedding? 246. How did the dinosaur build her house? Why should the number 288 never be mentioned? 85. He found his honey. Aloha. A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. Why are ghosts good cheerleaders? But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. 215. 98. A cool joke about geography? What do you call a pudgy psychic? Do you know why the other one didnt? I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it. What do you call a famous turtle? Its the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sees a policeman walking down the line of stopped cars to briefly talk to the drivers. "I work for the 3M company! Goodbye, 2022. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. To get to High School. I bought an automatic shovel. "Oh, Im so sorry to hear that. What do cheerleaders eat for breakfast? 58. Now, the main question here is this - are you ready for our selection of only the best long jokes ever? ", The historians had gathered for a party in Cairo after they had discovered a new mummy. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Funny adjectives: queer, sick, rummy, laughable, risible, comic, odd, amusing, questionable, humourous, mirthful, suspect, shady, curious, singular, suspicious, rum, humorous, peculiar, fishy, unusual, comical, ill, strange In fact, once you get started either telling or listening to corny jokes and pun-filled riddles, it's nearly impossible to stop.