Besides that, I love to explore. How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. It took one afternoon on the golf course. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. The end. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. In case he gets a hole in one. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Clubbing. You need to adjust your grip. Are you into kinky stuff? I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. A two-foot putt to win a bet or a tournament or a Masters is another thing entirely. Funny Family Poems. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. You are signed up for our newsletter! A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Andy. I . Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. "Golf is like a love affair. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. The battle that raged inside each players head. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? What did the duck say to the golf ball? 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. Do you know why the game is called golf? Are you looking for some funny jokes? Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. P.G. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Try choking donw on the shaft. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. Another Ball in the Trees. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. 3. Why a carrot as a logo? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Required fields are marked *. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Sam Snead. 8. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. 2. Why are golf and sex so similar? I'm a bit tired so how about we just play your backside tonight? These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. Golf is very much like a love affair. Hi there! To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. 3. Please sign up with your best email address. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Ellis Parker Butler, Its good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? You swing left and the ball goes right. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. What did Sir Mixalot say after sinking a 14-footer on the green, saving a terrible 3rd stroke into the rough? Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you. Arnold Palmer, 65. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Missed the ball and sank the divot. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. What does a golfer do on his day off? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Their fore-fathers! She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. the flag cant jump. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Fore-get Me Nots. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. Photo: Shutterstock. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. Dirt your body. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. 3. And there are windmills. Jim Murray. It can be rewarding. Tahiti who? Such is the game. Have fun. Check it out now! "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Oh my God, what have I just said?". 2. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Sawdust City LLC. Because they might get a slice. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Bruce Lansky, Author. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Mini Golf Captions. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. 3. I'm Tiger Woods. I give him the driver. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Wanna be my caddy? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. 2. Achieve more with each and every round you play. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. Guys will spend at least 5 minutes looking for a golf ball. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Required fields are marked *. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. It bends a little to the left. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. I Am Shuvo Saha. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Your email address will not be published. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. All of them. And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. Lee Trevino. Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". clubs. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. Tiagra. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. 5. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. A dinner without wine. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. Man: Please dont go. Your email address will not be published. He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. My drives aren't always long and straight. Noah. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? had to choose, right ? And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. ~ George Bernard Shaw. Fantastic 4-some. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! I play Bass. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Bruce Lansky. Roarin' Mcllroy Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. The Dalai Lama himself. He couldnt stop puttzing around! I am a Musician. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! What are a golfers favorite flowers? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Drop some in the comments! As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Please read here for more information. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes.